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After I made sure there was nothing to watch on every television channel, twice, Ann Patchett's column "Why Not Put Off Till Tomorrow the Novel You Could Begin Today?" helped me procrastinate on my next novel, too.

In the British case of the swearing Police Officer, The Vocabula Review suggests alternatives he might have used instead: "play mothers and fathers," "go upstairs," "make babies," "get one's jollies," "play hide the sausage," "get into one's pants," "have a tumble."