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What I Told Obama Over Presidential Peanut-Butter Cookies

Dreamt last night i was working late at my laptop alone in the White House cafeteria (free wifi).

Obama walked in looking for a peanut-butter cookie snack, clearly still working himself in his shirt, tie, and rolled up sleeves. He sat down to chat, and I asked if he was open to some advice. He said, "Sure." I said, "When you debate this ass-hat in the election, just be clear and to the point about what you've done. All you need do is read off a list of your top ten accomplishments for America since you took office:

1. Stopped the economy from falling further off a cliff
2. Saved our automotive manufacturing heritage
3. Unwound costly war stimulus that sank trillions of our own much-needed money into other countries (Iraq and Afghanistan)
4. Sanctioned the worst of Wall Street for preying on Main Street , toughened  investigations & regulations (and individual prison terms are next)
5. Made quality healthcare available to +5 million more people, including those with pre-existing conditions or insufficient income
6. Replaced the funding your party's state legislators cut from proven local healthcare agencies serving women, children and the poor
7. Produced 3 years of federal budgets with the lowest average spending increases since Truman
8. Closed the gap further on the final civil inequalities of our society: equal status for same-sex couples and equal pay for women
9. Emptied Guantanamo of prisoners wrongfully sent there or who were someone else's problem, not ours
10. And finally, after the Republican President who started the 'War on Terror' gave up trying to find the man who killed 3000 of our citizens and friends on our own soil, I had Osama bin Laden found & killed.

I did all of this with half of our nation's two-party system working day and night in Congress, states, counties, towns, and in the court rooms of 'activist judges' trying to stop me from my first day in office.

Other than paying the minimum required taxes on the incredible wealth you've made here, what have you done to benefit Americans?

(I expect a short answer, so feel free to use all of your rebuttal time for the following:)

I've been working hard from day one to serve the widest priorities of Americans, while your party has worked to stop me and only serve the narrowest of partisan interests. The state of our union is strong,  I'm sure we all agree it's not as strong  now as we hoped it would be four years ago. So I think the question for every voter is simple: who can lead this great nation to where we want to be four years from now: a vague out-sourcer-in-chief or the "git er done" President already doing the job?

And for those of you working so hard to stop me by dividing your efforts from the progress of this great nation , I ask, isn't it time you tried working together with us? Because truly working together is the only way to build this great union."

Clearly this was more than 'just a little advice', and i thanked the President for giving me 45-minutes to tell him what he should say in four-and-a-half (dream-time is always distorted). He thanked me, said he'd consider it, and as he got up to head back to work he said, "You should take a break and try one of these cookies..."